Bernard Ferrie gives us his golfing tipples

Gary Player’s saying ‘The more I practice, the luckier I get,’ applies to golf and surgery; both frustrating after years of practice. An Ayrshire doctor I know says he is royalty – he plays every week at Royal Troon. I settle for weekly worship at St Bupa, but go past a very fine golf course at Aston Parva.

Let’s head for the 19th, the easiest hole on the course and a great revenue for many an ailing cash-strapped golf club. Tee-off for a half round of drinks, gossip and put the world to rights. But no Tiger or Monty jokes as Tom Morris, Vardon, Cotton, Thompson and Nicklaus join us.

{users:STANDARD}Two up and one to play. Do you mean two holes or two strokes? Like Jesper Parnevick, many a slip between cup and lip, as Shakespeare will tell you, or should that be cup and chip? This, like many a good golfer, is from Australia (Majestic, £7.99) and really is called 2 Up. Not to be confused with 7 Up, which graces many a golf bag on a hot day. Real depth and power and long lingering finish just like your seven iron.

Knappstein ‘Three’ Clare Valley Gewurztraminer pinot gris and Riesling (Coop, £8.99); there is something very satisfying about sinking a putt for a three even if it’s at a par three – light refreshing and fruity.

Two hands essential for holding any club, especially when playing your ‘mashie niblick’ out of the rough. Get a grip and address the ball – Two Hands Lily’s Garden (Majestic, £24); powerful shiraz to get on the green.

Green Point Brut (Majestic, £17.99) – bubbly Aussie, or should that be Aussie bubbly? As fine a round as you could wish, as befits a product from Hennessy Moet.

Penfold, supplier of golf clubs, balls and wine – Penfolds Winemakers selection (Morrisons, £8.99); raspberry, spice, green olive and truffle, or should that be slice, miss green and trouble?

St Andrews, home of golf – or was it Prestwick? Scotland invented it, anyway. Chateau Grand St Andre (Laithwaites, £9.99) – ideal for filling the old claret jug – I wonder how often winners drink out of it?

St Georges, classic links course for the Open 2011. Nuits St Georges (Tesco’s Finest, £18.80); French golfers who can forget thingy in the burn at the Open. Jean van der Velde. Mon dieu! Or was it Monsieur Hulot? Then he took his socks off. Fancy playing without a spare pair of argyles and a towel!

Then there are the cups – Walker for the amateurs (as in George Dubya) and Ryder (1927 Samuel R – British seed merchant) for the pros. Great sporting events between us and USA. More like 1777 again – two sides separated by a common language. Why all those photos of wives and girlfriends with the older ones shoved to the back? Ever seen a photo of Mrs Bobby Jones or Mrs Ben Hogan? O’Leary Walker Wines – One, two, three, O’Leary – the backswing again nice and slow. Polish Hill Riesling – citrus and mineral (Waitrose £9.99).

Monty won for us at Celtic Manor with some great wildcard selections, so

Peter Lehmann Wildcard Unoaked Chardonnay (Coop, £6.75) – a good taste even if you don’t normally like chardonnay.

Masters. A sure sign of spring. Even non-golfing gardeners watch if only to admire azaleas and sylvan greens – the ultimate invitational and not just for the players. Dust off that green jacket and head for the Butler’s cabin. Obra Maestra (Virgin, £7.99) – a Spanish mixture to remind us of the great days of charismatic Seve Ballesteros.

A drop of beer in the golf bag – Bitburger Drive Alkoholfrei (Adnams, £19.50 per case). This should refresh and keep you like Bing Crosby – ‘straight down the middle’. Slainge.

Bernard Ferrie, Consultant Urologist, Manor Hospital, Walsall

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